Brave, Not Perfect

by Rebecca Dykeman

For years, I struggled with the need to be perfect. 

I felt like I had to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect writer, you name it. I was hard on myself. Whenever I made a mistake or felt like I could've done better at something, it made me feel bad about myself. I felt like I wasn't good enough.

I'm not the only girl who's ever felt this way. Teenage girls have a lot to juggle. School, part-time jobs, relationships with family and friends, activities… the list goes on. On top of that, the media tells us that we have to have the best body, clothes, hair, and makeup. With all the expectations and pressure we face, it's no wonder we feel like we have to be flawless in every way.

Allow me to introduce you to a saying I've learned recently: "brave, not perfect."

What does that mean?

It means that you don't have to be completely faultless. It's okay to mess up sometimes. What's more important is having the courage to try at all. 

This phrase might sound cheesy, but it was a serious eye-opener for me. It made me realize how much my previous mindset made me miserable and lowered my self esteem. It made me want to change the way I thought about myself. 

Putting this teaching into practice hasn't been an overnight change. I'm still hard on myself from time to time. I still find myself engaging in negative self-talk when I don't do something as well as I'd hoped. But when I catch myself thinking that way, I just repeat "brave, not perfect" to myself and try to move on. 

Thanks to "brave, not perfect," I'm working on turning my thoughts around and being more gentle with myself. It's helping me learn to be more confident, and to love myself even when I make mistakes.

All in all, it's one of the best lessons I've ever learned.


 
Rebecca Dykeman photo.jpeg

Rebecca Dykeman is a Grade 12 student at Woodstock High School. She is interested in writing, storytelling, and personal development.

 

Happy Galentine’s Day

You might be asking yourself, what is Galentine’s day?

Well in short, it’s Amy Poehlers creation from the show Parks & Recreation. Check out this clip here for more info.

Galentine’s has really become a day of women celebrating women

Both the Boston Globe and Washington Post have captured the history and excitement in these articles here:

https://www.bostonglobe.com/news/nation/2019/02/13/happy-galentine-day-not-sure-what-that-here-quick-rundown/k0KKM1GqUc6wVLOIKbRtaL/story.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/02/13/galentines-day-political-power-womens-friendships/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.c3cac5add9e1

At Up+Go, our tradition is to write Galentine’s for other girls and women, not just on Galentine’s Day but throughout the year.

Sharing positive feedback boosts our confidence, shows people you value them and their opinions and it is incredibly encouraging. Too often we are quick to point out weaknesses and not strengths. Through Galentine’s, we get to practice giving encouragement and they are magical to give and to receive. The receiver of the Galentine can take a moment to reflect on the impact of things they’ve done and said and gain more confidence and courage as a result. The giver can see the positive impact. It is so powerful.

What women have positively impacted you? Let them know by sharing a Galentine! It could be a card, an email, or a phone call! Do it today and any day you want to celebrate the women and girls making a difference in your life and in the lives of others.

Happy Galentine’s Day from Up+Go!

Supporting Her: Action Items from NB’s Elevate Conference

This past Tuesday, I had the pleasure of attending the Elevate New Brunswick Conference in Fredericton, NB. It was organized by Elevate International and the Women For Atlantic Foundation, with fiercely optimistic leaders and teams.

The day featured inspiring women from the political, economic and social sectors in the province who had many powerful messages to share.

The Economic Growth Panel (Susan Holt, Cathy Simpson, Solange Tuyishime)

As the first few speakers and panellist took the to the podium, they began sharing stories and information about the gap that exists for women today.

As I heard this, I began asking myself a few questions, “have I ever missed out on any opportunities because I am a woman?”, “have I received comments that are belittling or sexist?” and “Am I getting paid less than my male-counterparts because I’m a woman?”

To have asked myself these very questions demonstrates the extreme privilege I have been afforded and also unveils my lack of awareness on inequality in gender.

The day continued, with powerful stories, startling statistics and a deep hunger for change among presenters and attendees alike. In my own call to action, I reflected on how I can can help to level the playing field and be more informed to better support her. Her being myself, all women and all individuals who identify as women to move the needle, close the gap and rise to opportunities deserved.

Here are 5 key action items yesterday’s gathering presented that I will use on my quest to supporting her.

The Power of Numbers

Norma Dube, Co-Chair of Women for 50%, explained to the crowd that for the female voice to be heard, you need at a minimum, 30% representation. If I’m in a place where I need to help put a committee together / am a member of a committee / am working for an organization run by a board or committee, posing the question — what is the gender breakdown? Do we have at a minimum 30% female representation?

I acknowledge that it’s not going to make a huge impact immediately off the bat, but if I can touch 5 committees around me with asking this question, it will at least heighten awareness which is key on the path to action and change.

When you hear it, call it out — Change the Language

Phrasing, words and tone are incredibly powerful and can be so degrading when used in a negative context. Kate Rogers, City Councilor, City of Fredericton and Executive Director, Fredericton Community Foundation, reminded me that when the words and tone are sexist or degrading, staying complacent and not saying anything isn’t going to help create change.

It doesn’t have to be aggressive or defensive retaliation, it’s calling it out in a very matter of fact way. Yes, it will be uncomfortable the first few times, but the more you call it out, the more you help shift the language and culture, making it less uncomfortable.

Phrases like “they wear the pants”, “grow some balls”, “do it for mankind” or “put some hair on your chest” have become common to our societies vocabulary however, they are only perpetuating biases further. Exchanging those for “do it for individuals or humanity”, “holds the dominance” or “thanks for your support”.

Be aware of your own biases

Vanessa Paesani, CEO — Amplify East discussed how powerful biases can be.

“It’s hard to explain things that are visable to you and invisible to others, which is how systematic bias works” — Dr. Dolly Chugh

I know I unconsciously hold biases as a product of the society I’ve been brought up in. It’s hard to help create change when you’re not aware of the problem — it’s hard to help if you don’t know what the problem is.

There are quite a few implicit bias tests available online that can help you understand if there are biases you unconsciously hold related to gender or other demographics. As mentioned previously, the first step to action is awareness, and this test is a great starting place.

Here are a few good ones:

Boost those around you

Heather MacLean , Head of Cybersecurity Skills & Workforce Development Strategy for CyberNB drove home an important message — there is room at the table for more than one woman.

Supporting each other to rise up to the challenge, whatever that challenge may be, is so important. We move the needle as a whole when we support each other to get there. It’s not a competition or a game, it’s a movement of empowerment. Cheer your fellow females on as they make strives in their own lives.

Feel the fear, and do it anyways

Diving into things is never easy — even as you continue throughout your career journey. Two accomplished women, Roxanne Fairweather Co-CEO of Innovatia+ Cathy Simpson CEO of TechImpact and Founder of Up+Go, shared their own career stories and advice. They both faced barriers that were hard and scary, but the persevered. And they shared that if they can do it, you can do it too.

“Give girls the space to fail more often, we don’t need perfection, we need to get UP and GO for it”

— Cathy Simpson

Apply for the job, even if you don’t have all the qualifications.

Take the seat at the table, show them that your voice matters.

Ask for the raise and promotion, know that you provide incredible value.

It can be scary and it can be fearful, but you’re better off to do it than to look back and regret not trying harder.

Thanks for the organisers and attendees for such a wonderful and empowering day! Any suggestions or comments on the above is gladly welcomed.


Writer: Sara Taaffe, Guest blogger

Sara Taaffe is a freelance writer, focusing on the intersection between people, economy, and the planet. She has spent the majority of her working career exploring the power of technology, data and the economy in Atlantic Canada’s tech industry. A travelling nomad, you can find Sara in the forests of BC during the summer, and soaking up the sunshine of South America in the winter.

www.sarataaffe.com